My eyes snap open in the darkness. Oh, no. Ohhhh, noooo. What time is it?
11:53pm. Shit. Shit.
I get out of bed, stumbling around in the dark. In the dining room, I root through my briefcase. In the office, I dig through the pockets of my jacket. Finally, I find my iPod Touch on the desk.
11:55pm. Shit. Shit.
I sit down and open MotionX-Poker, a dice poker game I have completely lost interest in playing. I lose the first two hands.
11:57pm. Goddamn it. Come on.
Finally, I win a hand, then three more in a row. That’s plenty. I turn off my iTouch, feel my way to the next room, and get back into bed.
11:59pm. Whew. That was close.
This is what achievements do to gamers.
Why get up in the middle of the night to play a game I didn’t even want to? Because MotionX-Poker has achievements. Most of them simply celebrate standard milestones: build a bankroll of ten millions coins, get a ten hand winning streak, win with the same hand twice in a row, play a total of 500 winning hands, and so on, the sort of accomplishments one would earn simply by playing for a while.
Then there’s the one that woke me up in a panic: the achievement for increasing your bankroll every day for fourteen days in a row. This one requires you not only to play the game, but to play, and win, every single day for two weeks. I’d played for twelve days straight the night my subconscious stirred me from my slumber, reminding me that I hadn’t yet played that day. If I’d ignored it and gone back to sleep, I’d have had to start earning the achievement all over again from day one.
I’ve seen how achievements affect my behavior before. In Team Fortress 2, for instance. The class packs they’ve been releasing require you to earn achievements in order to unlock tasty new weapons. Again, some of them can be acquired by simply playing the game as usual, like healing two hundred teammates, setting ten cloaked spies on fire, helping teammates kill their nemeses, etc. Some, however, call for some non-standard behavior.
For instance, while playing as a Heavy in a particularly heated round of Dustbowl, we were making one last ditch effort to take the final point. We rounded the last corner and ran into a crowd of enemies. The medic trailing me hit the ubercharge. All I needed to do was clear the way for the rest of my team.
But there was something else at the back of my mind, directing my actions: an achievement I hadn’t gotten yet. It was called Photostroika, and it required me to taunt an enemy I had killed while invulnerable. So, instead of mowing down the entire crowd in front of me, I killed one enemy and then hit my taunt key. Precious seconds passed while my Heavy, still invulnerable, lovingly hugged his minigun instead of firing it. The ubercharge ran out, the push stalled, and we lost the round. I apologized sheepishly, but I didn’t mean it. Screw the match, I’d gotten what I wanted: another achievement.
It’s clear I’m willing to play a game differently, even detrimentally, in order chalk up another achievement. I’m willing to get up in the middle of the night to play a game I don’t even enjoy anymore, just to get another notch on my belt. Those un-achieved achievements, they just bug me. It’s like a to-do list, a bunch of chores or errands I simply cannot ignore or leave unfinished.
And yet, in my professional and personal life, I feel like all I have are uncompleted tasks and unreached goals. My desk at work is buried in paper, mostly in the form of un-priced change estimates I need to submit to the general contractor to get paid for field work (I work for a mechanical contractor). Despite all this work waiting for me to complete it, I’m always oversleeping and arriving late, which isn’t exactly helping me clear my in-box.
I’ve also been trying to lose weight, but haven’t been hitting the gym nearly as much as I should be. And, there are eight big cardboard boxes in my closet taking up a massive amount of valuable space — what’s in them, I have no idea but I haven’t opened them in about five years so they can’t be critical to my everyday life. They need to be gone through and emptied out, and yet I can never summon the motivation to do so.
Perhaps if I assigned achievements to these tasks, I would be compelled to complete them? If it works in games, why not in real life? If I focused seriously on fitness, wouldn’t I grow healthier and more powerful, increasing my strength and endurance just as happens in role-playing games? If I worked diligently at my job, wouldn’t management promote me to a new level of salary and position? If I assigned achievements to my everyday life, couldn’t I level up and unlock a better life?
I decided to try this last week, addressing my various professional and personal problems and goals, and assigning achievements to them. Would they motivate me like they do in games?
See for yourself: here’s a log of my week, and how I did.
Monday: I hit the snooze button twice. My boss is AWOL, so I spend most of the day websurfing and fiddling with my new blog. Didn’t get around to pricing changes. In the evening, I have to drive my insane elderly German neighbor to a homeowner’s association meeting. Bitter that I’ve lost valuable gaming time, I skip the gym and play Operation: Anchorage until midnight.
Tuesday: Wake up late again. My boss is in meetings most of the day, so I write up my Operation: Anchorage review. Don’t have time to price changes as a result. In the evening, I’m too tired from staying up late playing games last night to go to the gym, so I stay up late playing games again instead.
Wednesday: Hit the snooze three times. My boss is a no-show, so I chat online with my friends about how we stayed up late last night playing games. I do attempt to work on a change by scanning a list of materials to a vendor so I can acquire pricing, but the scanner isn’t working. Well, I gave it a shot. Calling IT for help definitely isn’t on the list of achievements. At night, I’m too tired from staying up late to play games that I stay home and doze off while watching Grindhouse, which gives me nightmares about Jeff Fahey licking barbecue sauce off his fingers.
Thursday: I hit the snooze button so many times it eventually gives up. At the office, threatening e-mails have gotten me to do some actual work at work today. I pick the easiest change estimate and submit pricing. Man, I’m a workhorse. No way can I get through four more in the same day, not with my iTunes playlists in such a shambles. I do manage a gym visit, thanks to my wife, who is planning to go anyway, so I feel guilty enough to tag along.
Friday: I’ll be leaving work early anyway, so there’s not much point in getting there on time. This statement makes perfect sense to me when the alarm goes off. After strolling in forty-five minutes late, I manage to do no work at all, but I do catch up on some webcomics I’ve been meaning to read. I’m definitely not going to the gym on a Friday night: I’m simply exhausted from a full week of avoiding work. Plus, there’s a Bond movie marathon!
So. Not a great week, achievement-wise. One gym trip, one change estimate priced, and I pimp-slapped the snooze button so much my hand is sore. Oh, and I completely forgot I was supposed to be dealing with all the boxes in the closet this week. Whoops.
Looks like the achievement mentality that has me in a mad scramble in games doesn’t apply to my real life. I’m not certain what the difference is. Maybe it’s that I need to do these things every week, regardless: simply going to the gym three times in a week doesn’t mean I never have to go again. Getting up on time this week doesn’t mean it’ll be any easier the next. And, no matter how many changes I price, I guarantee there will be a fresh stack the next day.
Maybe work, chores, and fitness can’t rely on achievements. Maybe they need to be their own reward, and for me, an obviously lazy and astoundingly irresponsible individual, I guess they’re just not.
Well, it was worth a shot. And, just so the week isn’t a total loss, I quickly invent another achievement, and this one is already in the bag:
69 Comments
February 9, 2009
Lucky for me I’m part of the few select gamers who couldn’t give a monkey’s scrotum about acheivments.
February 9, 2009
If you are a real achivement seeker, let’s hope that you never begin with WoW they added over 500 achivements when Wrath of the Lich King came.
February 9, 2009
I’m well on the way to achieving a real-life goal, one which I have never before attained: Wake up at 8am on 7 consecutive days. I’m SO getting this one!
February 9, 2009
I think I understand the whole attractive part of achievements: they can be viewed by others, and they are auto-updated. The latter can only be done by yourself, but as long as you keep posting your real-life achievement progress on your blog, you may actually get around to achieving a few. We get to see what you accomplish.
Come on. I know you can do it. You’ve managed to do a full webcomic about Half-Life 2, remember that. It’s something not many of us have come around to do.
February 9, 2009
Damn it Chris, you clairvoyant, you. I’ve been recently nailing TF2 again in my spare time, trying to get the KGB. I’m down to the grinding ones, or the extremely unlikely ones. “While invulnerable and on defense, block an invulnerable enemy Heavy’s movement.” I mean seriously!
But yeah, your post has reminded me I’m even slacking on that. Back to the grind, I suppose.
February 9, 2009
I was having some of those exact thoughts today about my love-hate relationship with achievements in games. I like being able to see what I have achieved, but dislike the compulsion I feel to get them all, even though, as you say, it can change the way i would normaly play.
Trying to bring some of these achievements into real life was interesting though it didn’t have the required result. I must ask, what exactly do you do for a living that allows you to get away with doing so little work? I ask because I’m currently searching for an industrial placement, and something along those lines sounds ideal.
Nice article.
P.S First?
February 9, 2009
There’s a game you might enjoy:
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/474371
100 achievements, the whole game is based on getting them.
February 9, 2009
If achievement or trophy whoring doesn’t make you buy shitty games just for those goals and you enjoy that whoring with the better games then I guess it’s fine. Never really gotten into achievement whoring myself since if it’s tedious or boring..why should I re-play the game if I don’t enjoy it. :P
That said achievements or trophies are nice to have sometimes since there is at least something left to achieve in the game if you’re looking for stuff to do. xP
Though I still prefer grinding up an un-beatable team rather then getting that “blojong” noise of “Your e-penor just grew +1″ :P
February 9, 2009
It’s pretty obvious you weren’t meant to price things, but rather, write things that people like. “People” as in not 50 year old business robots. Robots rule the world.
I also think it would help to say I am sixteen, and I’m not only having to deal with school for seven hours a day, but I’m also working three hours afterward at a local fancypants restaurant. I’m the chinaware decontamination and sanitation director. I wash dishes. I don’t complain.
:D
February 9, 2009
I rofled at this post, which tells exactly how temptation of the Internet affecs everyone in whatever situation they’re in, like work
February 9, 2009
I think I know what you need:
A shiny cup appearing over your head along with a celebrating jingle that announces your achievement progress to everyone around you whenever you get one.
February 9, 2009
I have TOTALLY done that before, except without the nifty achievement graphics. Works really well for some things, like cleaning, that I kind of don’t mind anyway. Less useful for other things. Except I can’t be as witty writing about them, that’s for sure. Hope your boss doesn’t read this blog, though!! ;)
On a side note, I really like the new layout with the nifty rotating header and transparency and all. And the color scheme/font is making things very easy to read. Nice job!
February 9, 2009
RRRGGGGGGGHHHHH
iPod Touch. Not iTouch. iPod Touch.
It’s not hard.
February 9, 2009
Achievements should really try to only be those first-mentioned ones; the ones that happen through normal gameplay. Otherwise, I start to think devs are just running out of ideas for them, or they feel XBL has certain “standards”.
February 9, 2009
I liked this article; it had a nice, old-school NMD feel to it. On a related note, I’d suggest getting a headstart on those boxes. ‘Cos you never know.
February 9, 2009
What if those boxes have like, ancient Aztec gold, or the ark of the covenant in them? The only way to find out is to go on an adventure! In your closet. With your old boxes.
And if you want to defeat this whole snooze button addiction you have, don’t try to beat it psychologically. Just pry the damn thing off the alarm clock. Then you can’t press it. So you have to get up.
Woo woo. Innovation.
February 9, 2009
In a way this strikes me; are achievements in a virtual world a way to compensate for innumerable achivements list in a real world where we have no control over? To be fair, I was never motivated to fulfill the specified achievements in a video game — rather, I create my own. Actually though I derive the satisfaction of achievements mainly through modding — creating a rudimentary AL simulation, fixing that annoying clipping mesh — just because it extends beyond the world that developers have set. Interesting topic though…
February 9, 2009
Nice article. I have a job where I can laze around and surf the internet all day too. I have to admit aside from the achievements in games that are easily earned in regular game play the don’t tempt me very much. With the exception of a few in L4D. Burn the Witch: light a witch with a molotov… ROFL.
February 9, 2009
There are always other ways around achievements. Like the solution in my name.
February 9, 2009
it sure is great to get an insight into your normally elusive life outside the blog, Chris. Plus, we’re slightly closer to knowing where you live! Muahahaha!
February 9, 2009
The difference is that your achievements aren’t in competition with anyone else. If everyone had the same achievement of going to the gym 3 times in 1 week, and you could go online and see if someone had that achievement, I bet you’d be more inclined to go to the gym. You only feel like you’ve achieved something if you stand out from the crowd. You become one of the 25% on Steam Game Statistics of life to have the achievement “According to Gym” which sets you above the lowly out of shape 75% and tells everyone that you’re dedicated to physical health.
My suggestion is to get a group of people to all have the same real life achievements and see what results you get from that. The only problem is just like in tf2, people can just lie to get their achievements.
February 9, 2009
You could make a new comic out of your everyday life alone ^_^
February 9, 2009
Achievements take over your life. And I still have a pathetic gamerscore.
February 9, 2009
Wow, I didn’t think, what with like sixty blogs, Chris would be that damn lazy. I’d say get a life, but I know that he’ll just say “I’ve still got three left”
February 9, 2009
It’s because there’s no one to acknowledge your achievements. If there was some sort of website, where you could invent and log your own achievements for real life as well as share them with other people, then you would actually be motivated to do these things.
I just got a good idea for social networking site.
I have this same problem with my writing. “I should work on Literary Project X”, but I never do. I told my friend to call me up at random times and tell me to start working on stuff, maybe that would work for you.
February 9, 2009
In order to solve the alarm clock problem, get a clock radio and put on a very annoying loud song. Then you’ll have to get up in order to turn it off. Or put it on a very loud rock song. You can start the day with a heart attack!
February 9, 2009
Dude, you’re going to end up fired at this rate.
If I was ever a minute late for work they would make a complaint.
February 9, 2009
In every job I’ve ever had I’d never be able to get away with the kind of crap you’re pulling. Frequent tardiness and complete lack of a fulfillment of duties would’ve seen me out on my can within days.
Maybe instead of working at a job you obviously don’t care about you ought to find a way to make your desire to game and write about gaming profitable. If your job is something you actually enjoy doing you’ll never have to work a day in your life.
February 9, 2009
Heh, Internet Supervisors. You know you’ve got the best blog around when you get the Supervisors xD
February 9, 2009
No,in order to solve the alarm clock problem, get a clock radio and put on infamous Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley. That way,you will have great incentive to get up,go to the next room,take pistol,and reduce that radio to pieces.
And oh,that achievement essay is really funny :D
February 9, 2009
Awesome new theme!
Anyway; your achievements are so true…. :-[
February 9, 2009
So often now during Left 4 Dead have I seen players aiming for the Cr0wnd achievement. I practised by myself after I got the achievement so that I could learn how to kill witches whenever I came across them. On expert, there’s about a 50/50 chance.
Anyway, I often have her in my sights and am about to blow her face away, when pistol fire comes from behind me trying to tear into the witch. I get knocked aside and somebody else nearly dies. Oh well. Guess you’ve got to start somewhere.
February 10, 2009
Hey I got another idea about the snooze button. Put the alarm in an adjacent room and crank the volume up so that you can hear it, and then you’ll be forced to get out of bed to turn it off. Or at least put the damn thing on the other side of the room.
February 10, 2009
I think I have a truly unattainable achievement:
“To watch England beat Wales in the 6 Nations on Valetines Day.”
It ain’t happening!
February 10, 2009
Someone really needs to set up a ‘real life achievements’ website - you could have a ranking table and everything. I would be totally proud of being at the bottom.
February 10, 2009
@Bloodcider
Surprisingly that can fail. I’m terrible at getting up and my alarm clocks are on the other side of the room. It doesn’t work :(
Oh and Chris, the website looks a lot better now. Good work. Although, I think banner could be a bit changed…maybe with a better logo than the transparent block with words on?
I was pretty sure you had a logo for the blog “first person shouter”, wasn’t it a picture similar to the counter-strike head shot but it emphasized the shouting.
February 10, 2009
I hope you are characterizing your job there and you do actually something useful.
February 10, 2009
I like how we leave the TF2-themed blog for a TF2-themed post…
February 10, 2009
Somebody here is going to make a killing starting up an ‘Achievements’ oriented Social Networking site. It truly would be the new Facebook.
If you saw one of the new achiemvents the site admin posted up, “Have a threesome” for a total of 5,000 achievement points, and you had just recently completed “Help an old Lady across the road” for 100. Think of how great the world could be. Would be like a different take on Pay It Forward or whatever that shitty film was about:D
Only difference is…the people using it by definition of the site…might actually have a life:D
Copyright Chris Livingston© and The Blog Minions.
February 10, 2009
lol Chris i love reading your blog entrys they’re so entertaining ! Also about achievements yeah i play world of warcraft and they’ve added tons in wotlk which i can really bother focusing on but when you’re add it and so close you want that achievement anyways ! like this achieve “Nothing boring about Borean” (Explore the whole Borean Tundra zone) Then you’re doing it anyways ! Well about real life achievements, atm am i running pretty much ever 2nd day and i hope to get up and run a half marathon 21 km in Berlin this march and right now i’m at 8km ! But i can doit ! RL achievements=alot harder !
February 10, 2009
The thing about creating your own achievements is that you need unlockables to reward yourself with. It’s one thing to air blast a crit rocket and kill a soldier, it’s another thing when that air blast just unlocked your Ax-tinguisher.
February 10, 2009
Was anyone on the site a fan of Chris before Concerned? I am just interested.
February 10, 2009
On a slightly (OK, completely) unrelated note, I just spent 10 minutes trying to get the Games For Windows Live shit to work in the Dawn of War 2 beta.
I mean, if a game is on Steam, why the fuck do Micro$oft need to barge in to fuck everything up? Can’t they just leave it alone?
February 10, 2009
Very interesting look on achievements, Chris! I, too, also have a nagging desire to get achievements, although I am fully aware that they are worth nothing, add points that are not redeemable towards anything, and only serve to add girth to my e-penis. Still, there’s something about them that just make you feel ACCOMPLISHED when you’ve finally earned a difficult one (your 2 week poker one, for instance). The Xbox in particular is diabolical in this respect as every single game out for it has the damn things, as opposed to a select few for the PC (Valve games mostly.) The reason they don’t work in real life is because you don’t have the same level of devotion to the task. Earning achievements in games is fun because the actual task is fun (or at least the game itself has to have some modicum of entertainment.)
Unfortunately, achievements won’t help make your job interesting if it isn’t interesting or engaging to begin with. The solution I find to this is to find a job that keeps you busy. I work at a pharmacy that does 500 prescriptions a day, so I am constantly either counting medication, helping patients, etc. There is no computer for me to check Facebook and no time to write blog posts. And I’m not bored either! I may walk in a few minutes late, which I’m trying to amend, but I don’t go to a job I need to make achievements up to be efficient at.
I am avoiding the gym like the plague, as well. It’s pretty bad.
February 10, 2009
awesome new post and color scheme.
February 10, 2009
I’ve enjoyed your opinion, Chris, and your apt word and thought expressed into this article.
I have my own strong opinions upon the subject of Achievements, but I’m too lazy to type it up atm.
February 10, 2009
Well, I have a notebook. And I do senseless things in it. I’m writing an achievement as soon as I finish this. Hmm…Let’s see…
What’s something I need to do…Damn. I can’t think of any-
Wait…ding!
“Create and finish three achievements in one week.”
Huh, does that count for it? Hmm…
*Scribble Scribble*
“…one week. Not counting this one.”
There. I’m covered. Now, off to the achievement generator!
This kicks the living hell out of a to-do list!
P.S. For those who don’t know,
http://teamfortress2.fr/achievements.php?eng
Achievement generator. Looks like what he used for his.
February 10, 2009
Dude… I want to work where you work
February 10, 2009
Sounds like you need help from the Rooster Teeth folks at “Achievement Hunter”. They track down specific strategies for achievements and show videos on how to…achieve (groan) them.
http://ah.roosterteeth.com/home.php
February 10, 2009
twitter feed is kinda hard to read. Perhaps a fluoro pink line separating the different twits?
February 11, 2009
What are you talking about, Livingston?
Videogame achivements were invented to imitate real life achievements. You know, the real things, like getting stronger from going to gym, and money for working hard.
And in case you wonder why your phoney baloney achievements didn’t work, well, it’s because you have made them up. Gaming achievements are challanges set by the creators of the game, a challange taken by every gamer. As a gamer, you can show off your achivement (even for yourlself). It’s like beating a game really. You have beaten that challange, earning social pride, too.
These achivements you’ve set up for yourlsef by yourself sharing no others, that promise you nothing special in return, are meaningless. It’s the same thing as just wanting to do something, so it can’t beat your laziness.
That being said, I’d like you to make an achievement page listing achievements achieved and unachieved by you, and you to post about it for us to comment about how lazy you are and provoke you, maybe provoking you enough to do some.
First achievement:
Post 2 LiO posts in two weeks in a row.
Also, I see you have been working on the site, and yes I know you know the commenters know, but would you please change the comment colors? It is so unattractive, it makes me not want to read comments (seriously).
February 11, 2009
I’m not going to cheat for achievments this time :)
It’s going to be a pain and everyone is going to have all the weapons long befor me… but the achievment tracker makes it worth it.
February 11, 2009
Weighing the motivation to game, or do game related things, between boring real life stuff is tough if you can’t remember how to choose for yourself. Video gaming is an addiction like anything else. It really feels like you’re busting your ass just to do what any idiot can do in real life.
How hard is it to do your job? Not much.
How hard is it to go tot he gym? Not much.
How hard is it to spend precious gaming time on something other than gaming?
Uhhh….. that’s a bitch.
When you DO get something done in real life, even just the one thing, bask in the glory of not having to worry about doing it anymore. Sit there for a good five minutes if you have to, just thinking about how good it feels to have knocked one more thing off the to-do list…. then when you do get to gaming: you’ve EARNED it.
February 11, 2009
Some of you guys (not referring to the most recent posts) take Chris’ essays too seriously. They’re meant to be funny and thoughtful, not strictly accurate.
February 11, 2009
I did something like this when i went to school many years ago. I was failing at math, and that was because I was playing a MMORPG. Back then, when I for some reason had the silly idea that grades mater, I decided to buckle up! So I started doing math assignments, and according to their difficulty giving myself experiences points on a sheet of paper after I finish them. Then I used the same leveling system from that MMORPG I was playing to simulate a “real life” game. I did in fact raise a few levels from assignments I wouldn’t otherwise have done, and got my grade by one mark up! Success :D
This made me think. To successfully do chores, you need more than just an achievement. You need what makes games so successful: character development, and comparison to other players. Therefore an online game which is built on your pesonal daily tasks is required. It should have a system for leveling, acquiring items, experience points, etc etc etc :)
One game already does this: Chore Wars. But it is only browser based, and based on boring Dungeons and Dragons system. Give me something like Fallout 3 or WOW or Diablo II :P
February 11, 2009
Interesting idea, I’ve done this before, but I generall reward myself with cookies or fruits (more recently)
This site looks prettier by the hour!
February 11, 2009
http://www.fallout3nexus.com/downloads/file.php?id=1480
Fallout 3 crowbar mod.
HELL YEAH
February 12, 2009
@ Twitter feed(L4D DLC): Madness? This… Is… SPARTA!!!
And i don’t get second one (something about $191K). What’s this about?
February 12, 2009
I could see a site eventually popping up that provides people real life achievements they can share.
I also see that site failing miserably because of people lieing about their achievements.
February 12, 2009
F.E.A.R. 2. P.R.O.J.E.C.T. C.H.E.R.N.O.B.Y.L. is pure hilarity.
February 12, 2009
@Ninja
What if your pip-boy tracks your achievement progress? It would be much hard to cheat..
February 12, 2009
If you’re an RPG freak rather than an achievement whore, you come up with a different system - click my name for the link.
It has the advantage that repeating tasks still gets you somewhere, but the self-imposed reward system needs work. Maybe if you’re married it could be something your spouse arbitrates.
February 12, 2009
Regarding that previously posted FO3 crowbar mod, anyone know where the special crowbar is? I’m thinking Vault 101, but I don’t wanna search around there for nothing.
February 13, 2009
Hey Chris, it seems to me that one of the main problems is your boss - he’s never around to keep you motivated!
February 13, 2009
Haha, somehow I think you may get fired if you keep putting off those change receipts or whatever.
Where do you work, anyways, if it isn’t rude to ask?
February 14, 2009
you should try doing it, at least go 2 gym’s or maybe unveil the BOX OF MYSTAI
February 14, 2009
err i meant BOXE of MYSTARIEEEE
your procastination has confused me >: S
February 16, 2009
Hilarious post man, and so true…and why can’t real life achievements be mostly fun??
February 18, 2009
HAHAHAHA dude, you’re a bum! I love you. You have become my hero in training, second to Louis C.K. I suppose I shouldn’t be rewarding you with praise for doing absolutely nothing but there it is. You are fricken awesome! Now get off your lazy ass and finish Nondrick’s story.
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