Welcome back to my new blog — you know, the one I started so people wouldn’t think I was just running a Valve fansite. And now, the latest Valve news:

The second unlockable item of the upcoming Scout Pack was revealed today, a Fizzy Sprinting Drink called Bonk! This will replace the pistol, and when chug-a-lugged will give the Scout a burst of speed, enabling him some, possibly all, immunity to bullet fire (presumably he’ll still be succeptable to projectile and melee attacks). Of course, the Bonkrush only lasts so long (how long, we don’t know), and when it’s over the Scout will experience a few seconds of slow-down (again, not sure how long, not sure how slow).
I guess this finally gives the Scout some tactics against his dreaded enemy, the Sentry Gun. Sure, he still has to worry about rockets, but they aren’t heat seekers, and if he pours on the speed at the right time, he could use the new unlock to zip past the rockets and escape untouched by the bullets. Can’t wait to see it in action.
Questions, of course! How fast will the go-juice take him? How often can he drink it? If killed while holding a can, will it drop, and if so, will another class be able to take a sip and get a similar speed burst (oh please oh please, I’m dying to see the Heavy running full-tilt).
Suggestions, of course! Could it be that if two Scouts, on different teams, each chug a can of Bonk! and run headlong into each other, they both explode in a shower of limbs, guts, and headsets? That would be hilarifunny.
And, Valve wouldn’t be Valve if revealing one bit of news didn’t hint at a few others.

First, the background of the Bonk! teaser shows what appears to be some sort of new Payload mode and map, with twin tracks and a bomb cart for each team. It’s hard to tell, but it looks like both bomb carts are pointed in the same direction, so it could be a Payload Race, with teams trying to move their carts to the finish first, scrapping all the while. Sounds like constant mayhem and some intense cross-bombcart warfare.
Also, if you take a close look at the scattergun the Scout is holding, it doesn’t quite appear to be the same make and model we’re used to.

The top image is the current gun, brown and gray, with a sight at the end of the twin barrels and that round metal piece near the grips. The bottom image, from the Bonk! teaser, looks completely black, with shorter, wider barrels, no sight, and no round piece. Is that our third unlock? We’ll probably have to wait until next week to find out for sure.
The list of thirty-five achievements was presented today too, though without descriptions, we can only guess what some of them are. Most are pretty clear: dodging bullets with the Bonkrush, beating the crap out of foes with the bat, stunning enemies with baseballs, smashing up engie gear, whaling on a Heavy in mid-snack, capturing or preventing the capture of points, and so on. A couple mysteries, like Caught Napping and Fall Classic will have to wait for the update or until someone more clever than I can figure them out.
Finally, Valve wasn’t too busy to have fun with some exploit-abusers, taking away their weapon unlocks for a month as punishment. A month seems drastic, especially with the new unlocks so painfully near, but screw ‘em: it’s funny as hell. I bet they’re the same dicks who used to build sentry guns underground.









49 Comments
February 19, 2009
The bit about the Scatter gun is interesting. I haven’t even heard anyone else talk about the fact that it’s slightly different. I really hope we’ll get to know what the new unlock is before the weekend, but I doubt it.
February 19, 2009
Lack of new weapons for the exploiters is great.
Also, I’m siding in the camp that thinks the blur will only be a special effect, and Bonk! won’t have any speed increaseing effects, but instead making the drinker immune to all bullet weapons.
If this means shotgun or not, not sure.
Also, I’m not a scout player, nor am I an adiquete player to begin with. But I think the Scout will be reduced to Pyro or Demo speed after the Bonk! buzz is off.
February 19, 2009
WOOHOOHOO! Can’t Wait! Also, Chris I believe the Caught Napping is a Spoonerism (Switch around the Sounds) So it reads Naught Capping (A Play on the Boston Accent?)
February 19, 2009
or Caught Napping just means you kill a player after you’ve hit them with the baseball
February 19, 2009
maybe if the scout and demo collide, he gets bonk and the scout gets scotch! there could be a third person view of the scout stumbling, falling and vomiting! anyway, this sounds like fun
February 19, 2009
Hmm, I’m noticing the repliers are trickling in much slower than the 1fort site. Maybe you should change concerned’s banner ad so it redirects directly here.
Woot energy drinks. I for see a monster skin in the future. Good post, I like the frequency ^_^ keep it up
February 19, 2009
Two scouts colliding while on BONK cola. The TF2 version of a particle accelerator. I wonder if people will be complaining about the possibilities of their collisions creating a rip in the space-time continuum creating a black hole which will destroy/consume everything in the game.
STALEMATE!
Then of course we will have to have a Gordon Freeman impersonator handy to make sure that if anything like that does happen he will always be there to save us.
February 19, 2009
Caught napping is probably just hurting someone while they’re stunned. Although the spoonerism idea is pretty cool!
Fall Classic has got to involve someone plummeting to their doom; the graphic makes me wonder if a new map is going to involve a big Snidely-Whiplash-style circular saw. It would certainly fit right in to the Alpine environment.
February 19, 2009
I recon that cought sleeping might ahve something to do with the sandman, like kill and enemy while he’s stunned from the sandman, proabably x amount of times.
February 19, 2009
I’m just waiting for the Meet the Team video and the new gamemode. The ones I’m most looking forward too. =O
February 20, 2009
I’d guess a 5 second boost that negated most bullet fire i.e. sentries, miniguns, pistols etc. and a ten scond cool down at a speed somewhere between demo and soldier, leaning towards soldier.
A lot of people suggested something like this but (as far as I know) Valve have cleverly made it funnier and more interesting by adding the ‘Bonk’ idea. I wander if all future classes will get a consumable?
February 20, 2009
YUM, TASTY ISOTOPES!
Hey guys. Guys. Remember when I posted Meet the Snadvich before it came out? Before the Sandvich came out? Well, I have also guessed this very energy drink. I feel so fucking proud. I have a sixth sense that deals with futuristic food products. I AM THE FUTURE FOOD GOD. I KNOW WHAT YOU WILL EAT FOR LUNCH NEXT THURSDAY.
Also, the two-cart gameplay exists, it sucks as far as I know, but maybe Valve’s maps will prove otherwise.
And hopefully the new shotgun aint a strong gun for short range, weak for long, and have less clips. That just dosen’t sound good for the Scout. I think it will have new status effects (like evesion for the drink, stun for the baseball, leech for the blaust, more leech for the ubersaw, ect. The TF team must love RPGs).
February 20, 2009
Hmmm.. beloved pistol, dodging sentries - beloved pistol, dodging sentries…….. Gah! D:
Tough decision coming up after the easy no-sandman-for-me-thankyouverymuch one.
Don’t mean to whine (as I play Scout the most by far anyway), but the boost can’t be too long or else you’d be too good at closing the gap between heavies, snipers and even killing engies sitting behind their sentry. Could be balanced though, like you can only dodge bullets while keeping wasd (or esdf for you abominable weirdos) pressed, resulting in harder aiming.
Then it would take true mastery to keep circling a heavy and bonking him into a pulp.
February 20, 2009
So far, it would seem that both the energy drink and the new bat will be left forgotten right after I grind their needed achievements. I just don’t think I can bare without a long-range weapon or my double jump.
February 20, 2009
You get the caught napping achievement when you caught someone in the air with the baseball. Or maybe not.
February 20, 2009
I wonder what real life Bonk would taste like. Also, I wonder if the BLU team gets their own flavor Bonk.
February 20, 2009
Like ‘Blueberry Meltdown’!
February 20, 2009
Speaking of exploits, yesterday I came across an enemy teleporter that took a large chunk of flamethrower ammo to destroy. February 2nd patch, you have failed me.
And since it was taking so long to die, I ended up setting the five or so people who popped out of it on fire. Then I got called a spamkiller. You can’t win.
February 20, 2009
Look at the link in my name for the awesome HL2 Fan Video that Valve presented to everyone yesterday. I thought it was awesome, though I’m probably the one gamer who didn’t know about it…
February 20, 2009
Awwww… this is murderous to competitive play. Scouts will just be able to take some bonk and suicidally run at the medic.
February 20, 2009
My personal take on it is that maybe, after you drink Bonk! will make you fall asleep for like 5 seconds, because it’s an energy drink, but maybe falling asleep would take too long, so we will just have to wait to find out :P
February 20, 2009
Caught Napping - Kill someone who ain’t moveing.
February 20, 2009
@movie
Boring, horrible sound, how did this guy get a crowbar?
February 20, 2009
I think that Caught Napping is for killing someone on Well before round starts. Also,new Scattergun will have only 2 shots,more damage and powerful knockback (triple jump,anyone?) If any of that is going to be true,don’t ask me how i knew it. If it’s false,then i’ve certainly missed something.
February 20, 2009
Yes Kollega. How could you guess it? I bet it has nothing to do with me saying “And hopefully the new shotgun aint a strong gun for short range, weak for long, and have less clips.” ( here http://www.firstpersonshouter.com/?p=164&cpage=1#comment-628 ).
You can easly see that the gun’s barrels are shorter and wider, and the gun lacks this round drum thing. About the knockback, there is an achievement for “knocking back”, I guess you read about it.
February 20, 2009
“Is that our third unlock?” What the hell else is it gonna be?
February 20, 2009
Perhaps the Scout can carry more than one can of Bonk! at a time, but if he uses them in too quick of a succession, he will become immobile when they wear off.
February 20, 2009
i really hope it’s a desperado-style double-barreled shotgun (both in function and in ridiculous effects) where primary fire shoots one barrel, secondary fire shoots both barrels, hitting with both barrels = knockback.
also, i have a design question: why are the scout’s pants so damn high? is it to help make his legs look longer? added silliness?
February 20, 2009
@Peteapotamous: Valve should make the scout collision an Easter egg. I think something like a big explosion similar to the end of HL2 forming around them (they get third person camera view, of course) and setting anyone close by on fire is a good idea. Maybe also both scouts die to keep people from trying to take advantage of it too much.
@Kollega: I don’t think they’d make it shorter range or have more spread, as that’s pretty much an exaggerated scatter gun. It’d be as boring as a medic update where he gets a medigun that charges very slowly but has a 30 second uber.
Personally, I think it might be a more powerful gun with a double barrel firing alt trigger, with either longer range or equal range to the regular scatter gun. But it holds only two bullets at a time, and reloading is slow, and maybe even less total ammo (no recepticle at the handle for more bullets like the scattergun). Thus, it’s good for an accurate scout or one good at running to cover.
I think Caught Napping is probably just for stunning someone, perhaps a specific class (heavy strikes me as a guy who gets a lot of rest when he can get away with it). Maybe they’ll include a video that features napping as a joke at some point. However, I kind of hope that maybe a Bonk™ overload makes the scout pass out (at a certain point, caffeine stops working and makes you sleepy), and the achievement is for passing out on an enemy CP and getting the point anyway. Not too gamebreaking if you think about it, either, since scouts likely will blow a lot of their Bonk near a CP to avoid bullets and get to it, and hardier players and/or medics will likely be around to make sure the enemy doesn’t kill the guy who captures twice as fast.
February 20, 2009
Guys, two or three of the achievement graphics depict a triple jump. The scattergun unlock will have enough recoil to count as a third jump (or second if you’re carrying the sandman).
February 20, 2009
Well, judging by the fact that the Scout has a bunch of MISS! thingys above his head, the description, and that one of the achievements is about dodging bullets (I’m pretty sure.), then I would say that the drink makes him dodge shit!
Doc. Disaster:
I only see one that could mildly be interpreted as a triple jump, but maybe I am not looking hard enough :P
February 20, 2009
@Nonomu198: Keyword here is “triple jump”.
@a westie: That’s most basic idea i can get from what we see. But maybe it really isn’t so obvious.
@DoctorDisaster: ditto.
February 20, 2009
Let’s not forget the radiation! We still don’t know if it will be speed AND dodging, but I’m thinking you’ll also gradually loose health or cause less damage when you drink it.
Most likely (to not be this :|):
Friday - New Scattergun
Monday - Double Payload(?) + achievement descriptions
Tuesday - New video + release
February 20, 2009
Can’t wait for a “Meet the” movie ^_^
February 20, 2009
Batter Up and Pop Fly both show two little jump clouds in a row, indicating a triple jump. Not to mention both of the names sound pretty aerial.
February 20, 2009
That payload racing seems so obvious it’s suspicous, if you know what I mean…
Or maybe I just want the new gamemode to be VIP.
February 20, 2009
I think Caught Napping is probably for killing someone while you’re slowed down or immobilized after taking a Bonk.
February 20, 2009
I’m also thinking that the Caught Napping Achievment isn’t a spoonerism, but my thought is that you stun a player with the bat, and then take a snapshot of him.
And then you will more than likely kill him.
February 20, 2009
Also the Achiement Descriptins are out and my threory sadly, was incorrect click my name for the Link..
February 20, 2009
Just pointing out, the next item will probably not be a weapon. Just speaking from the point of view that the heavy update and the scout update so far have interdpaced the weapons with other things.
February 20, 2009
Achievement descriptions are out. Clicky the namey.
Caught Napping: Kill 50 enemies from behind with the Force-A-Nature.
Completely wrong about that I guess.
February 20, 2009
Now we need to know what Force-a-Nature is…
February 20, 2009
Oh wait, Force a nature must be the new weapon! and it has knock back!
February 20, 2009
“Fall Classic: Cause an environmental death or suicide using the Force-A-Nature’s knockback.”
Triple post, sorry o.o
February 20, 2009
Beanball: Stun a scout with their own ball.
!!!!!!
Does that mean we can bat the balls back at the players?
Baseball matches in TF2, anyone?!
February 20, 2009
Out of the Park: Bat an enemy 25 meters.
So the new bat CAN bat away.
Beanball: Stun a scout with their own ball.
It’s like the old sticky-bomb myth coming to life.
Quick Hook: Kill a player in Well before the round starts.
Wow, when people said that I thought they are crazy.
Retire the Runner: Kill a Scout while they are snared by the post-dodge slowdown effect.
Slowdown confirmed.
Caught Napping: Kill 50 enemies from behind with the Force-A-Nature.
Taunt kill? Probably the new primary weapond though.
Closer: Destroy 3 teleporter entrances.
Seriously what the hell is this lame achievement? I do this for breakfest.
Fall Classic: Cause an environmental death or suicide using the Force-A-Nature’s knockback.
Knockback. Probably the new primary.
First Blood, Part 2: Kill 5 enemies with the First Blood crit buff.
Crit buff? Does that mean 20 secs? Nre arena mode changes, perheps?
Foul Territory: Cause an environmental death by stunning an enemy.
Wait, if the game tracks that, can we finally be credited for these kills? I keep blowing people off the cliff in Lumberyard, and get no points.
Poor achievemnts. Hopefully the update has more to it than that.
February 20, 2009
First Blood: Get the first kill in an Arena match.
First Blood, Part 2: Kill 5 enemies with the First Blood crit buff.
February 20, 2009
The achievements are probably so easy because many people just aren’t used to playing scout. It’s a somewhat hard class to play, especially if you’re new and getting lost a lot.
And I really want to know the specifics about the force of nature. Can it help the scout jump higher when he shoots down, or does it just affect what it hits?
February 20, 2009
I am displeased at the Red Sox related achievement :(
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